Just keep breathing…

I love when things start to look up. Even though when they start to look up that usually means something else falls apart. But I’m staying positive that things will keep going in the right direction. I start my Birth and Bereavement Doula certification on Monday. I am so happy I am doing that. I want my life to have a strong purpose and what better way then helping women who are going through what I have gone through? There are so many things I want to do with my life that I just cant get to them fast enough.

If you would have told me five years ago that this was the path I would have been lead on, I don’t think I would have believed you. I was very naive. I feel like it is both, a blessing and a curse that I have survived everything that I had to face in my life. It’s a blessing because I get to help so many women with the lessons I have learned down this path. And it’s a curse that I survived it because as much as I love helping others, the only place I will ever want to be is with my little boy, and my baby girl. Nothing will ever change that emptiness in my heart.

I am also working on writing a couple books. I am not finished yet, but I believe they will help further in the healing for some women. One on domestic violence, and one on mothering angels. It’s great therapy to write out all the feelings you’ve been holding in your heart for years.
And I am still working on my Jewelry line. Working on some new designs. Should get some up by the end of the year. I will keep you posted on that.

There is just so much creativity and random thoughts flowing through my head. It’s hard to stick to my time lines I set for things.

Oh and I am still selling Gourmet Candles, So if you want your home or office to smell WONDERFUL, you should buy some at http://www.watchmeburn.scent-team.com

 

Have a wonderful day! 🙂

 

Mia Bella July Updates!

Hope you are having a happy July so far!

 

There is a lot going on with Mia Bella this month.

 

July’s Candle of The Month scent is: Chili Vanilli

Blended in perfect harmony, the unique, refreshing scent of Sweet Orange and Chili Pepper mixed with Vanilla produces an amazing fragrance sure to please!

 

This is a must have scent for the summer weather.

 

Do you know someone who has served in the military? Canada Day is July 1st, and American Independence Day is July 4th. We are going to celebrate by offering a Sale on Two Special Candles: Canadian Pride and American Pie. Both of these candles are on sale! Sale ends on Sunday July 7th. Part of the sales will be donated to the armed forces charities.

 

Mia Bella Beauty retiring sale!

Get your Mia Bella Mineral Makeup now while supplies last. Get these great quality products at a low cost.(50% OFF) Once there gone that’s it. Order Here

 

Don’t forget to enter the **Free Drawing** to win 1 FREE 9oz candle, and 1 FREE Bella Bar. Winners are selected every Monday. Enter Here

 

 

Share these wonderful sales and products with your friends!

 

Have a Scent-Sational day!

 www.watchmeburn.scent-team.com

New Beginings.

I have been feeling inspired the last couple of weeks. I finally feel like I know where I want my life to go. I want my life to mean something, and slowly it is starting to. In August, I will be getting my certification to become a bereavement doula. I am looking forward to that. As well as doing fundraisers with my candle company to help really good charities/organizations. I want to help bring light to things that many are made to feel shouldn’t be talked about. Also in the next several months I will finally be launching my jewelry line. I know, I know, it had to be put on hold several times. BUT… It will happen in 2013. Sometimes things just happen… I am determined 100% to turn my life around completely this year. Nothing and no one will stand in my way. I live everyday for my angels. And I know I can make a change.

Have a beautiful day!

[APD;MJP]

Why Mia Bella?

Nationwide, Everyone is saying that
Mia Bella Gourmet Candles
are The BEST smelling candles ever made!

Wonder why you should buy Mia Bella? Click HERE and read what everyone is saying about our candles.

Enter the drawing for your chance to win one *FREE* 16 oz jar candle and one *FREE* Bella Bar. Winners are chosen every MONDAY.  CLICK HERE

Don’t forget to order June’s Candle Of The Month: Ocean Mist.
A marine fragrance with a strong watery seaside character and a white flower body. The fragrance notes are supported by a woody patchouli background. 

 Like us on Facebook  for updates on all out great, natural products.

 

Have a scent-sational day!!!

Triggers.

Everyone has triggers. Whether its things that make you angry, depressed, anxious, etc. But to the bereaved mother it may seem sometimes that triggers are everywhere you look. One sister just has her baby boy, and is telling you about all the wonderful things her smart kid is doing early. The other sister just found out she’s having a little girl, so shes out shopping for baby clothes. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them. I wish them both tons and tons of happiness. And I hope they will never have to experience even a glimpse of what I’ve went through. But I cant help from having a heavy heart whenever I hear about their pregnancies. And I have to choke back the sadness when telling them how proud of them I am for watching them turn their lives around and growing up to become young responsible mothers.

I have to really focus on trying to work out my sadness/anger in positive healthy ways. I am easily succumbed to self destruction that it takes a lot of work. I can usually shake the feelings after a while. But for some reason it just wont leave my aching heart. I worked out the last two nights for a little over 3 hours each. Hoping I could get some sleep, but the nightmares never fail to enter my head. I cant help but feel that I just want to quit. Just say “F*** IT!” and go be with my kids. I have this internal battle way more often than I’d like to admit. I wish so bad that I could change the outcome of all these horrible events that have happened in my lifetime. When is enough? How much can one person go through before they have no more strength to keep fighting?

And it’s hard because the one person I had to talk to, who could always find something positive out of any situation is no longer with us. My grams is in Paradise with A and M. I know I need to keep on going. That’s what A and M would want their momma to do.

I wish I could be super woman, and be numb to my feelings. They find the wrong times to get the best of me. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. There is something that triggers everyone. But how you deal with it determines how you heal. Do you take all that negative energy and do something positive for yourself? or are you self destructive? Which would your angels want you to do?

The loss of a child is something no one should ever have to experience. But it happens. Miscarriage happen to one in four women. Yet the subject is hush-hushed. People feel ashamed to admit their child died. And in ignoring the pain, you cant grieve properly. You shouldn’t be scared to talk about the loss of your child. Yes it makes some people uncomfortable to talk about. Because a child SHOULDN’T die. But it happens. I speak of my children all the time. I speak to them when the pain of them being gone is just too hard some days. They were still my children, and just because they passed away prematurely doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be talked about.  They are a big part of the person I have become and I thank them for it every day.

There are stages of grief. But not everyone grieves the same. I was stuck on anger for a very long time. I was angry at everyone. The doctors, my husband, family, society, and myself. I was angry that MY CHILDREN has to die. They did nothing wrong. Why should they be punished? It took me a long time to finally forgive those I was mad at. I turned the anger into something positive. I want to be able to help those going through the same thing I went through.

I spent a lot of time looking at things to try to heal. Meditation, therapy, exercise, music, and quotes. I was trying to find answers to questions that I probably will never know. One quote that has helped me through tough times is

“Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be. “

And that to me means, I may not be through my grief/healing journey. But I have come a long way from where I once was. Slowly I am making progress. And one day things wont seem so hard.

I hope this quote can help others going through difficult times. The loss of anyone is hard. But especially when it’s a child. They have all their lives ahead of them. And by losing them we lose getting to be apart of their lives.

If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, you can email me directly at  angelmommy2304@gmail.com

I am also part of a program who helps others heal. http://www.mymiscarriagematters.com/joinbecome-a-friend.html

Join and become a friend and our group of women will help you through your pain.

J.

Some Days I Just Can’t.

I keep trying to convince myself that I am okay. And most days I think I am pretty good at believing that. But every once in a while there are days that I’m being kicked down and stepped on. All those raw emotions creep back up and hit me like a ton of bricks.  That evil rage fills my insides and so much guilt I can feel in my bones. “Why didn’t you try harder?” I kept asking myself in my head. “They were your babies, and you didn’t save them.” “You are a horrible mother.” Every minute of every day I am and always will be haunted by my children’s premature deaths, as well as the loss of my husband’s stability/sanity. I will always feel responsible. The “what if’s” consume my mind.
I know this is unhealthy thinking. And for the life of me I do try to fight those thoughts out of my head. But there are just some times where I feel like Im at my breaking point and I cant hold it back any longer. But I can’t help but feel guilty some times. Why should I be allowed to live my life while my children don’t even get the chance to take a single breathe, or their first step, or go to school, get married and have kids of their own.  I will always wonder if they’ll have their father’s smile, or what their laughs would have sounded like. I wont be able to tuck them in at night. Or watch them blow out candles on their birthday cake. It’s just not fair.

I try hard to put my focus into positives. Like trying to help other women who have lost angels as well. And I really look forward to helping them get to a point to where it doesn’t hurt as much to breathe any more. I want to do something with bringing to light about baby loss. instead of women like us feeling alone, guilty and depressed. I want to do something that honors A and M. I want them to be proud of their Mama. But sometimes I just don’t know if I have the strength to keep going.

…Some days, I just can’t.

June Candle of The Month.

Hope you’re having a happy June!

For many June means vacationing, going to the beach, and relaxing by the ocean. But if you cant go to the beach, bring the ocean to you!

 Mia Bella’s June Candle of The Month is OCEAN MIST.
A marine fragrance with a strong watery seaside character and a white flower body. The fragrance notes are supported by a woody patchouli background.

Perfect candle for summer time. Whether your in your back yard catching a tan, having drinks outside with friends, or even in a nice relaxing bubble bath.

Ocean Mist comes in 2 glass jars sizes (9oz, 16oz) also in votives (2.5oz) and if you would rather not have an open flame we also have it in wax melt form.

Place your orders at: www.watchmeburn.scent-team.com

Don’t forget to enter our *FREE DRAWING* for one FREE 16 oz jar candle, and one FREE Bella bar. Winners are selected every Monday.
www.scent-team.com/weeklydrawing/index.php

 Go like the Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jenlyns-Mia-Bella-Gourmet-Candles/331704053623687

Share this with your friends, and tell them about our wonderful products.

Have a Scent-Sational Day!

One in four.

Did you know one in four women will experience a miscarriage?

 

The loss of a child is something no one ever thinks about. Well, not until it’s too late. Had anyone told me I would lose both of my children before I was pregnant I wouldn’t have believed them. But it happened. And I had no idea what I was going to do. I was a newlywed when I got pregnant with my son. Everything in my life seemed perfect. Until I found out I was bleeding. two trips to the emergency room and then my baby boy was gone. I felt completely shattered. Everything was starting to fall apart. I became paranoid, confused, and full of rage. My husband (who was grieving in his own way) Couldn’t seem to understand why I couldn’t get out of bed for the next couple of weeks. We were living in a new town far away from both of our families. I felt completely alone. and when you are grieving the loss of your child that is the worst feeling. I couldnt understand why everyone looked at me like I was crazy for being upset. All I heard from everyone was “It happened for a reason” “You’re so young, just wait a while and try again” Those sayings only made my rage burn hotter.

And then to go through it all over again a year later. And to loose everything including my child. I just couldn’t handle it.

Getting back to my point. I felt like I had no one to help me thru such a difficult time. There were no support groups that i knew of. The therapist I was going to was a man with no children. So couldnt talk to him. Our children were “Too hard for him” to talk about with my husband. And family just didn’t know what to say. I had to work at it on my own. Granted I made quite a few mistakes. By no means do I have all the answers. Everyone has to find their own path when going down this hard, unbearable journey.

But I want anyone who is suffering from the loss of a child to know that you are not alone. There is someone you can talk to. I am here to listen, or give advice, or just be someone you can vent to. I will be an open book for you to learn from my mistakes so maybe your road wont be as hard. This is not something any women should have to deal with on their own help.

 

Anytime you feel like talking. Or have questions, or ANYTHING at all! Feel free to email me at    Angelmommy2304@gmail.com

The pefect gift.

Summer time coming. That means, Birthdays, Weddings, Babies, Parties. Need a gift to give someone? We have a great selection to choose from. Check out Mia Bella Gourmet Candles. These candles have wonderful aromas. And we even have a selection that is shaped like little pies. What could be cuter? If you cant have flames going in your home we also have a flameless selection.

If you don’t need a gift why not get a couple for your own home?

It’s definately worth giving it a try! I guarantee you’ll be wanting more.

http://www.watchmeburn.scent-team.com

also go like the facebook page at

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Jenlyns-Mia-Bella-Gourmet-Candles/331704053623687