The loss of a child is something no one should ever have to experience. But it happens. Miscarriage happen to one in four women. Yet the subject is hush-hushed. People feel ashamed to admit their child died. And in ignoring the pain, you cant grieve properly. You shouldn’t be scared to talk about the loss of your child. Yes it makes some people uncomfortable to talk about. Because a child SHOULDN’T die. But it happens. I speak of my children all the time. I speak to them when the pain of them being gone is just too hard some days. They were still my children, and just because they passed away prematurely doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be talked about.  They are a big part of the person I have become and I thank them for it every day.

There are stages of grief. But not everyone grieves the same. I was stuck on anger for a very long time. I was angry at everyone. The doctors, my husband, family, society, and myself. I was angry that MY CHILDREN has to die. They did nothing wrong. Why should they be punished? It took me a long time to finally forgive those I was mad at. I turned the anger into something positive. I want to be able to help those going through the same thing I went through.

I spent a lot of time looking at things to try to heal. Meditation, therapy, exercise, music, and quotes. I was trying to find answers to questions that I probably will never know. One quote that has helped me through tough times is

“Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be. “

And that to me means, I may not be through my grief/healing journey. But I have come a long way from where I once was. Slowly I am making progress. And one day things wont seem so hard.

I hope this quote can help others going through difficult times. The loss of anyone is hard. But especially when it’s a child. They have all their lives ahead of them. And by losing them we lose getting to be apart of their lives.

If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, you can email me directly at  angelmommy2304@gmail.com

I am also part of a program who helps others heal. http://www.mymiscarriagematters.com/joinbecome-a-friend.html

Join and become a friend and our group of women will help you through your pain.

J.

About the author.

Since this is my first blog I thought it would be best to introduce myself a little. My name is Jenlyn. I’m 23 years old. I am the proud mother of 2 angels who have passed on from miscarriage. And an American Staffordshire terrier who is 4 years old. I’ve made my fare share of mistakes in my life and by talking about some of the things I went through I hope to prevent someone else from going through them.

I have struggled with bipolar disorder my whole life. but was diagnosed when I was about 12 years old. It has been a constant struggle for me and those closest to me to cope with. As my mother used to call it my emotions were like a light switch. In a matter of seconds I went from being happy, to crying to even getting violent at times. As I got older I have gotten a little bit of control over it-not much though. Even after 11 years I haven’t found the right medications to be on. Every doctor seems to give me a list of pills to take each day “just to feel normal”. It is a constant battle which I am trying so hard not to let it win, but some days I have the “why bother” outlook on life. But as I’ve been reading up lately I’m looking more into the natural, herbal ways to treat it.

I got married at 18, that didn’t turn out the way I had hoped. We fell madly in love with each other so fast. We planned out our whole life together in a night, and were determined to make it happen. Though we got dealt a sh**** hand. We lost a lot in our time together. 2 children, 4 pets, a close friend. Too much for a young couple to handle. What started as love at first sight turned in to drugs and violence in what seemed like over night. I did all I could to help that man but what I learned the hard way, you cant force someone to get help if they’re not ready to admit they need it. So it was either die trying to save him or walk away and save myself. The hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.

I’ve traveled a lot since we’ve split up. Spent a few years in North Carolina, Mississippi, Tennessee, and Texas. I loved traveling and meeting new people along the way. I get bored in the same place for too long. I cant wait to go to new places. I have been wanting to go to California for a long time. As well as Nevada, and Arizona.  Who knows where life will take me.

No matter where I go, my dog comes with everywhere. Annie is a 4 year old American staffordshire terrier. I’ve had her since she was 8 weeks old. She’s been my rock through all the hard times. When I felt like giving up she’s been my reason to get up in the morning. I’m so thankful that she’s in my life.

I’m looking to go back to school. There are several things I want to do. I’m really interested in making jewelry. I’ve found a great school that I would like to go to for that in the near future in California. Also, I really have an interest in herbalism. I’m trying to find a good online school for that. Maybe I’d be able to make my own teas and treatments and sell to help other people.

What I hope to achieve with this blog? I hope that by telling my story about what I’ve gone through, I hope that I can prevent someone else from also going through it. I’ve lived through some dark, disturbing things in my life and I wouldn’t wish those things on anyone. But I think I survived it all for a reason. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to I’m a great listener. I will always try to help if I can.